IDFK

I go through these stages wondering why I bother.

Sometimes, I have answers; other times, I wallow in the murky waters of I Don’t Know.  It’s not a happy place.  (You know what the F stands for.)

Why do I bother to write a blog?  Why did I even start a SECOND one, for heaven’s sake?  I don’t have a classroom, I’m not an advisor or coach or pre-service instructor, so I’m not really in a position to Be the Change.   I’m not anything education-related, no one is interested, this is not creating the connection I crave.  Blogging doesn’t even count toward PDU’s.  Practically no one reads what I write and I’m pretty damn sure everything I say is boring and/or has already been said much better by others. People who already work all day and yet they manage to maintain interesting, thought-provoking blogs.  I don’t write often enough because writing is a time-sucking struggle for me (although I strangely enjoy it); I feel like I kinda suck at it, my posts are too long and lack visuals, that my expectations are waaaay too high, so I end up avoiding it while half-baked ideas get piled up in a scrambled mess in my brain.

My answer usually boils down to this:  I blog because it helps me clarify my thoughts, to move my teacher-self forward, even if I don’t have somewhere to go.  It really is just for me.  It would be really, really nice if my reflective efforts serve a higher purpose, and maybe someday they will, but for now, it’s nice to complete some thoughts, get them organized a bit,  just to make room for more.

Good enough.

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