I go through these stages wondering why I bother.
Sometimes, I have answers; other times, I wallow in the murky waters of I Don’t Know. It’s not a happy place. (You know what the F stands for.)
Why do I bother to write a blog? Why did I even start a SECOND one, for heaven’s sake? I don’t have a classroom, I’m not an advisor or coach or pre-service instructor, so I’m not really in a position to Be the Change. I’m not anything education-related, no one is interested, this is not creating the connection I crave. Blogging doesn’t even count toward PDU’s. Practically no one reads what I write and I’m pretty damn sure everything I say is boring and/or has already been said much better by others. People who already work all day and yet they manage to maintain interesting, thought-provoking blogs. I don’t write often enough because writing is a time-sucking struggle for me (although I strangely enjoy it); I feel like I kinda suck at it, my posts are too long and lack visuals, that my expectations are waaaay too high, so I end up avoiding it while half-baked ideas get piled up in a scrambled mess in my brain.
My answer usually boils down to this: I blog because it helps me clarify my thoughts, to move my teacher-self forward, even if I don’t have somewhere to go. It really is just for me. It would be really, really nice if my reflective efforts serve a higher purpose, and maybe someday they will, but for now, it’s nice to complete some thoughts, get them organized a bit, just to make room for more.